J.O.K.E. – “A Letter To… Shane Sparks”
"Better not bring your kids!!!!" Dave Chappelle said it best, I think.
(DISCLAIMER FROM K1NG ELJAY: This is just a joke. Don’t get mad. It’s just jokes. Well…some of it. Kind of. Just… read it, lol)
Dear Shane Sparks,
I know you’ve been through a lot lately. So I’ve thought of a way to maybe lessen the blow of what I had to ask and or say to you. Granted, my commentary isn’t exactly “revelation” or anything inspiring. It’s more along the common sense theme than inspirational, and because common sense seemed to be lacking in your current.. predicament… I figure I need to make this as easy as possible.
Kind of how you did with the girls.
But that’s not important…
I’m going to go with the “Sandwich” method for this letter. If you’re familiar with it, then it’s all good. If not, then pretty much I’ll give a compliment, slip in the bad thing, and then give another compliment in order to make it sound less bad. Hopefully, this works out as well as it sounds in my head.
Beginning of sandwich – So… I really thought you were the least annoying judge off of America’s Best Dance Crew. Everytime J.C. opened his mouth, I wondered under what dance authority did he have to speak? He was the main harmonizer for a boy band that DIDN’T REALLY DANCE. And Lil Mama… I just don’t know what to say about her, so I just muted the TV when she spoke.
Actually, I stopped watching the show as it happened live. I would wait until it was over, go and watch the dance routines, see what you had to say about it, and just when she opened her mouth as if she wanted to even think about uttering an intelligible syllable through her lip gloss, I’d close the MTV video player and text my vote.
I don't think he's ever just taken a NORMAL picture in his career... This doesn't help his defense any. Just saying.
Middle of sandwich – That being said… I understand that you’re a dancer. I also understand that the ultimate idol in that aspect is Michael Jackson, so it makes sense to model certain aspects of your style after him. But as far as the personal life choices, you could’ve stopped there. We all would have completely understood if you decided to just take the common sense route and NOT MOLEST TEENAGERS.
I mean, at least they weren’t boys allegedly like Mike. And PLUS, they never proved it was Mike. But they got WITNESSES with you according to several media outlets, so not only did you possibly screw them, but now you’re personally and quite possibly professionally screwed. I cannot understand why a man would feel as if he couldn’t pull a girl his age and chooses to go for “Hot 16s.” It’s not a Lil’ Wayne mixtape. It’s real life. Men don’t MESS with little girls.
That’s unbecoming.
Finishing the sandwich – But like I said, no one doubts your talent at all, and it sucks to see that you fell into a trap that you could’ve completely avoided by hitting clubs or just hanging around the Jabbawockeez.
Because the Jabbawockeez get girls. I bet they do. Honestly, if I could dance like them, you wouldn’t be able to STOP me from dancing. I’d be in Winn-Dixie getting ice cream and break into a pop-lock routine, and walk out with the cashier’s number. Who needs game when you can just dance?
But seriously, your talents are there, and I’m sorry to hear you were messing around like that. It’s a consequence that you’ll have to deal with if it’s true. I’m still hoping it’s not. I kind of choose to believe the best about people, even when every mugshot they take looks suspect…
And as a complete sidenote, there’s no way I could even imagine you stooping that low to mess with Lil Mama, but if you DID touch her in that forbidden way…
I take back every compliment, ever.
