J.O.K.E. (A Letter To…FaceBook)

Dear Facebook,

I’m not just writing this just to get out some pent up aggressions I’ve had with you over the last year. That would be too easy. I’m sure you get hate mail about your somewhat glitchy layout all of the time. The last thing I want to do is be funneled into the “hate” pile, because I really do appreciate you and everything you do for me.

I mean, you help me to maintain sanity throughout the day. Whether it’s at school, work, or when I’m home and I don’t feel like being productive. You help me. And I thank you for that.

But lately, I’ve been logging on and seeing more and more…crap. And when I say crap, I don’t mean like ca-ca, or pooh, but when I log on and I have 17 notifications, and 15 of those are spam, it literally makes me say…

“…Well crap…”

Now, I can understand you making yourself accessible to all users through the various games, FaceBook chat, the “Like” button, and all of the other interactive things that completely overload the layout that I continue to tolerate because of the simple fact that I love looking at other friend’s/people’s words and pictures online. I’m aware of all of these things, and I tolerate it for the greater good of being an internet nosy neighbor. Don’t judge me.

However… I don’t want to be a part of every single thing you have to offer.

• I do not want to play FarmVille or BarnBuddy or HayRoller or Mafia or whatever the heck it’s called.
  
• I do not want to reconnect with certain people, because there could be a certain reason I don’t talk to them in the first place.
  
• I do not want to add so-and-so as a friend even though we have 623.5 friends in common.
  
• I don’t care if my sister beats my high score in Bejewled Blitz.
  
• I do not want to become a fan of toothpaste, sleep, Ice Cream, or Ellen Degeneres.
  
• I do not want to comment on a song by a friend only to be mortified by the amount of comments listed after my comment of people saying THE SAME THING I SAID.
  
• I do not want to POKE that GUY. Don’t suggest me to poke ANYBODY on FaceBook, but if you do suggest it, let it be a girl.

So don’t suggest to me ANY of these things, and we can continue to coexist in peace.

And by peace, I mean, when I’m not on Twitter.

Have a good one.

K1ng Eljay